When my Japanese partner and I decided to get married, we knew that there was going to be a lot of preparation needed: wedding planning, embassy visits, hotel and flight bookings, and figuring out what language to do it all in. First, though, we needed to submit all the forms to our ward office to officially be married. It was tempting to dump all the paperwork on my future spouse (it being their home country and all), but that’s not the best way to start what will hopefully be a lifetime of cooperation. We figured it would be best to know what paperwork would be required, show some initiative, and get a start on it.
I’d like to preface this by mentioning that laws change. Every city / ward office may have slightly different rules. The person you’re interacting with at the office may be extremely familiar with international marriage rules and not need every document you bring. When in doubt, please over prepare. And do not trust that a checklist on the English version of the Department of Immigration office will be complete. Check the Japanese language version, too, as there are often things left off the English page.
To add even more complication, every country has slightly different rules, but as an American that went through this relatively recently, I can give an outline to what hoops we had to jump through to get everything official.
I had to go to the US Embassy to get an “Affidavit of Competency to Marry.” Essentially, a document that said I wasn’t currently married, and could freely marry as I wish. The document required a notary stamp, and that required a fee. I’m not sure exactly what I expected, but some sort of congratulations from those helping me at the embassy. Instead, on this particular day, things moved forward with the inefficiency of the DMV, combined with the overly-bureaucratic tendencies of an aging Japanese city office.
Once I translated the document, my spouse-to-be and I filled in our konin todoke (marriage application). There were a number of thematic ones available (Tuxedo Mask was immediately blackballed), but the normal vanilla one was just fine. We had to list both partners, our parents, and two witnesses to sign and stamp the document. These witnesses didn’t have to be Japanese citizens.
While grabbing our blank konin todoke at the ward office back, we also picked up our koseki tohon (family registries) at the same time. Mine just listed my name, since I didn’t have any family history in Japan, and my partner’s listed parents, siblings, and hometown. This, too, required a small fee.
About Registration Location
It’s pretty important where you choose to register your marriage. There are certain documents that will be available only at that location, and while it may seem romantic to submit all this paperwork in a rural city office somewhere in the mountains, that means any time you need certain documents, you’ll have to trek out again to that office in the countryside. If you decide to leave Japan, that means any proxy will also need to trek out to that office in the countryside. Please consult with your local city / ward office to see what options are available for registration. Typically, it’s the location you live in currently, or the hometown of the Japanese partner, but choose wisely.
At this point, we took a day off work, and brought everything down to the ward office. I brought along my passport and birth certificate just in case, but don’t remember the birth certificate being given more than just a cursory glance. What’s supposed to be a romantic day was mostly spent in the waiting room of a gray office. We chose a relatively romantic day according to the Japanese calendar to do all this, and we weren’t the only people that had the same idea. The ward office was crowded with new couples-to-be waiting for their number to be called. I imagine the scene would be pretty similar to the waiting room of a Las Vegas wedding chapel; more about efficiency than a unique experience tailored for each couple.
About Name Change
This was a shock to us, and had we known about it earlier, may have changed a few decisions we made on the day. Our prior research told us that one of us would need to change our family names. With much faux-complaining, my partner decided to change their name, and went ahead ordering fancy stamps for their office. At the ward office, we were told on the spot that since I’m American, and don’t have an established family history in Japan, there was no need for either of us to change our family names, because we would be creating a brand new koseki tohon. With the money already spent on the stamp, my partner decided to continue with my katakana-butchered last name, but something to consider.
After waiting several hours, everything was done. We were finally married. For our records, we requested a Certificate of Acceptance of Marriage (konin todoke juri shomeisho, the fancy one). This can be translated and kept on hand if we plan to move to the US to show proof of marriage for a visa. We also requested a new copy of both of our koseki tohon, which showed our marriage listed in the family history.
Finally, we enjoyed our wedding day. We had a nice late lunch in the area, visited a museum, and made dinner reservations. The first mountain of bureaucratic paperwork was finished for now. The next step would be working on a spousal visa for me, which would absolutely overshadow the amount of preparatory work needed. Maybe a subject for a future article.
Photo by Ben Rosett on Unsplash.
